Of all human emotions, anger gets an especially bad reputation. To display anger or aggression is almost universally condemned. Whether we’re dealing with authority figures, or engaging with our families, workplaces, relationships, or are in public spaces, the expectation is often the same: suppress your anger.

I guess in my case, trying to meet this expectation has flipped me over to the other side. Years of suppressing anger in the face of mistreatment and being unheard have now started to make me occasionally explode like a volcano. And of course, I’m usually blamed for it.

So I wonder, why is the expression of anger treated as the problem, rather than what caused it? Why does society treat angry people as the aggressors, while ignoring the aggressions that led to the reaction?

Anger is not an enemy but a friend, a signal. It tells us when our boundaries have been crossed, when something feels unjust, when we’ve been hurt or violated. Without anger, we may just as well be robots who cannot identify when something is unacceptable or when something needs to change. Anger is a response to something wrong, and yet what’s considered ‘wrong’ is the anger itself.

It’s not that I support extreme reactions, and I think exploding in anger is just as bad as total suppression of anger, as one fuels the other. But while I hope to someday remain calm even under extreme provocation or mistreatment, I also wish society would hold provokers accountable: those who misuse power, exploit dynamics, disrespect boundaries, or are inconsiderate.

Emotional control should not be a one-sided burden placed only on the person who breaks. Without shared responsibility, expecting the angry to ‘master their emotions’ while the aggressor is never held accountable is not only unfair but also creates an imbalance.

And now since thinking about this is making me angry, its time for deep breathing and usual techniques to calm down. One thousand, nine ninety nine, nine ninety eight….